A Balm for Scarcity: Body of Wisdom, Flower Moon
What you have to give
Is what is needed of you
And what is needed of you
Is what you have to give
Take a moment, and see what it’s like to receive these words.
What you have to give
Is what is needed of you
And what is needed of you
Is what you have to give
(And no more)
This mantra came to me a few days ago and I have been turning it around and noticing how it resonates in my body and soul.
There is this underlying scarcity that seems to pulse through our dominant culture. It certainly pulses through me at times.
It tightens up my heart when I’m faced with decisions. My nervous system constricting - what if I don’t get what I need?
Or even deeper, a sort of despair - I’ll never get what I need.
Other times, I will be touching against my capacity for what I can do in a day, or what feels in flow in a day, and then there’s a dizzying deflation - I am not enough for what is needed of me.
One pattern saying - What if I don’t get what I need? What if there’s not enough to meet my needs?
Another pattern saying - What if I am not enough to meet what’s needed of me?
Either way, it seems some needs are unmet.
Either way, it seems there is not enough.
These patterns can show up for me with my business, with money, in relationships, in witnessing systemic harm, in caring for myself, and just with life in general.
The current layer of these scarcity patterns I’m working with in my own nervous system is around attachment wounding. These are the early experiences we have with parents and caregivers in which needs were not met. Were we seen? Were we met? Were we attuned to? Did we generally get the amount, type, and quality of touch, nourishment, and connection that we needed when we needed it?
Babies are not able to self-regulate. They need an adult’s nervous system to co-regulate with in order for their nervous systems to regulate and to develop neural pathways for self-regulation.
Any and all ways parents and caregivers do meet a child’s attachment needs contribute to healthy development. A person’s ability to meet a child’s needs is directly related to how their own early attachment needs were met, and whether their own human needs are met before and during the time of parenting.
The wider and deeper I learn and heal, and the more years I dedicate to helping people, the more clearly I see how the presence or lack of support translates from generation to generation. If there were ways my own parents were not able to meet my needs, I can assume there are ways their support was inadequate, whether support from family, or larger communities and social systems across their lifetime.
Particularly a lack of support for mothers, which is very common in this society, can amplify into these systemic patterns of wounded attachment and scarcity.
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Recently I have been reading a fascinating book called The Evolved Nest by Darcia Narvaez. This book describes in beautiful detail the nested structures of support within various communities. Young supported by mothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Youth mentored by wise elders. While this might sound like I’m only talking about people, I am actually also talking of our animal kin, such as the whales and elephants. These are also the ways of many indigenous peoples. This Evolved Nest video paints a vivid picture.
Beyond the relationships with same-species kin, animals (and many indigenous peoples) are also nested in the supportive web of nature surrounding them. Grounding earth. Nutritious and medicinal plants. Fungal mycelial networks. Flowing waters. Singing birds. Shining sun. The wisdom of ancestors. Relationship with Spirit and the Divine. Layers and layers and layers and layers of support.
I think of the dominant culture, so starving for support that it could consume and consume and consume and still be hungry. Like a realm of hungry ghosts (this is a well-known talk by Tara Brach that I first heard quite early in my healing journey, nice to reconnect with it now. If you listen to it, make note when she refers to “bonding” that’s what I mean by “attachment” vs. the Buddhist term “attachment”).
Potentially a whole culture re-enacting early unmet attachment needs, which vibrate to the tune of scarcity - My needs will not be met. There is not enough. I am not enough.
Meanwhile, this beautiful natural world to which we belong, full of abundance, is all around us.
Meanwhile, the sacred pulse of the Divine, of the Universe, of Life, touches us in quiet moments, with messages of enoughness, peace, and guidance.
Our template of the evolved nest is here, in our backyards.
The divine song of support for our paths of healing and growth is here, in our hearts.
The remembrance of relationship, not individualism, is here in the mycelial networks of the forest and the crinkles around your smiling friend’s eyes.
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Do you know what happens when parents and young are held in many interconnected layers of support?
The young generally grow up with qualities of self-awareness, compassion, resilience, courage, confidence, self-responsibility, creativity, empathy, and generosity.
Connected to their kin, growing up living in sacred reciprocity. Receiving, giving, receiving, giving. Met, and meeting. And passing on these ways to the next generation.
I allow my understanding and my lived experience of these dynamics to guide me as I create, heal, and dream. As I feel gratitude for the love and support that survived through the generations before me, and as I learn to break generational cycles of wounding and bring deeper support to the next generation.
I call in support for help with remembering how to live in relationship, in sacred reciprocity. How to receive what I need (including what I often already have), and how to give what is mine to give. How to trust the divine message, that this is enough.
As I continue to dream up my upcoming July Eco-Somatic Retreat, Remember, I intend to create a container that helps us remember the ways we already know to be. The ways known in our bones, our bellies, our hearts. And shown to us in spacious skies, warm sun, and messages from the Earth.
Trusting, the way exists. May we all Remember together.
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Somatic Tool of the Month
Enjoy this somatic tool, and find more like it in my self-paced course The Somatic Journey Toolkit.
Feel free to enjoy this practice indoors or outdoors.
Take a moment to land, noticing your breath, noticing any contact you have with your seat, the floor, or Earth below.
Bring something to mind that feels somewhat hard or painful, perhaps a situation, emotion, or memory. You might choose something of a small to medium amount of challenge to begin with.
Gently notice what this experience is like in your body. There might be tension, or collapse. A lot of energy, or emotion.
If it’s tolerable, notice how it is to just sit with this for a moment longer, with this experience here in your body.
Now take a moment to focus on something else. You might look around your environment, taking in the space with your eyes. Perhaps taking a slow breath in and sighing out. Stretch or wiggle your body.
That is what it’s like to experience this particular emotion or situation just in your body alone.
But what is it like to have a wider body for this experience?
When you’re ready, reach out with your awareness to sense into your wider body. Since we are nature, and all is interconnected, we do have many wider bodies. You might sense into the wider body of the trees outside, with their deep roots, strong trunks, and far-reaching branches. Or sense into the wider body of the mycelial networks underground. Or sense into the wider body of the sky and atmosphere. Or of the streams, rivers, and aquifers. See what parts of your wider body feel most supportive to be with in this moment.
You might rest there, or if you have the capacity, try to bring back up the original challenging situation, emotion, or memory. Notice how that feels in your body again. Sensations, tension, energy, emotion. Does anything change as you allow the experience to spread out into your wider body, so you are not holding it just in your individual body?
Take your time exploring how your wider body wants to support you with your experience.
When you feel complete, you might again look around your environment, taking in the sights and sounds. Stretch, move, or wiggle as needed to arrive.
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Invitations into Offerings
I would love to weave with you on your healing journey. Here are some opportunities for our paths to cross:
Group Experiences:
7/19 Eco-Somatic Group Retreat: Remember: A circle of souls gifted a full day to unplug and experience the nervous system reset of Mother Nature. Connect with each other and Earth. Remember yourself - body, mind, spirit, and soul.
In a group of about 8, we will sense into joy, play, quiet, wisdom, and rootedness. Bring your unique intentions and see how the experience nourishes and transforms you.
5/20 Sacred Sisters Circle: Breathe & Bloom- Join us for a spring soul ritual. We’ll explore the natural elements and the wisdom of nature to tend to ourselves. Spring offers so many gifts for us to co-create a ritual of beauty and blooming. We’ll connect through conversation, creative expression, and community breathing as we feel into our own aliveness. Let's root down to rise up together. *Facilitated by Carrie
6/17 Sacred Sisters Circle: Weaving Sound & Song - Singing is alchemy—a portal to remembrance, release, and reclamation. In this circle, we’ll explore the wild terrain of our voices, uncovering what silences us and what longs to sing through us. Through ritual, vocal practices, and the weaving of song, together we’ll return to the ancient wisdom that lives within us. Your voice is an instrument of power that knows how to speak and weave truth! *Facilitated by Amanda
1:1 Experiences:
1:1 Eco-Somatic Retreats: Imagine unplugging from bright-lit screens and the ticking clock. Immersing yourself fully in nature with an attuned guide. A customized experience designed to reconnect you with the innate power and wisdom of nature that LIVES IN YOU.
1:1 Somatic Coaching - Let’s center your body and nervous system as anchors in your healing and personal growth. I help people who want to spend less time living in survival mode, shed stress and societal conditioning, and come back home to their hearts and bodies.
Self-Led:
Somatic Journey Toolkit - For folks feeling dysregulated and disconnected, who desire resilience, ease, and liberation from the stuck patterns in your nervous system, this course is designed to help you:
Feel more confident, at ease, and resilient in your ability to regulate your nervous system and emotions
Feel more free, having shed layers of stuck emotions and survival energy
Feel more authentic and connected to your needs, emotions, and desires with a stronger, more stable, embodied sense of self
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