Tending Boundaries in Challenging Times: Body of Wisdom February 2025
As I write this email, my browser is packed with tabs for clocks and alarm clocks. I’m ready to go back a few decades in technology’s terms and have some actual clocks around our house.
One of my big themes this winter is tending to my energy. Energy coming in, energy going out. About once a year, I seem to have a big realization around my boundaries and go through a period of boundary healing. A few weeks ago, we hosted a friend’s birthday party which included getting whimsical and capturing the essence of how you’re blooming this winter. I was so deep into my boundary work that I got inspired to decorate my hat with nature’s reminders of boundaries. Tree bark protecting the tree, pine cones protecting the nuts, prickly thistles protecting the seeds, thorns protecting the rose bush. As much as modern spirituality may teach us to open, open, open, nature shows us that all beings must also have boundaries.
Me in my boundary-celebrating hat
My offering this month is to let this email be an inspiration for your own energy tending. Especially with the state of the world and the country currently, there’s a lot of intense energy flying around. It’s a good time to be intentional about where and how you want to be open. That’s why I’m going to buy some clocks. I’m tired of looking at my phone first thing when I wake up to turn off my alarm. And needing to look at my phone just to see what time it is.
I experienced a profound illustration of the dynamic this creates a few evenings ago. I was sitting with my wife (PS. Amanda and I just got married!!), reflecting on our wedding and soaking in the support we received. I checked my phone to see the time, and saw a text message had popped up that triggered a totally different energy, emotion, and thought process for me, taking me out of the moment with Amanda.
And how about when we visit Facebook or Instagram? Little control over what we will encounter. A post about puppies, followed by apocalyptic scenes of mass destruction, followed by a sarcastic meme, followed by advice about healing and spiritual growth. How is that impacting our energy?
I want to give a big credit to The Emerald Podcast, specifically the episode called Guardians and Protectors!, which has been a big source of guidance for me over the past couple of months as I’ve been deepening into protecting my energy.
This is a time when it seems many people are thinking and feeling things like: “The world is on fire!” (parts of it literally are), “What am I supposed to do?” “Who is going to rescue us?” “Will my family be safe?” “Am I doing enough?” “What is my purpose or role at this time?” “I’m overwhelmed by all the suffering in the world!” And more.
I offer a deep bow of compassion to myself, and you, and everyone. Yes, unprecedented times. Yes, so much grief. And also confusion, numbness, fear, rage.
I don’t know the answers to these questions. In particular though, the ones around “What is my purpose or role at this time?” and “How can I make a difference?” don’t seem like such bad questions to ask, even if we don’t know the answer. I do feel it’s important for each of us to examine our role in how we choose to show up at this time.
For me, this moment has been an opportunity to hone in on my sphere of influence and focus my energy there. It has been a season of pulling my energy back from relationships that weren’t working for me. Of noticing the conflicts within myself where I spend energy wrestling with myself and instead get curious about how those conflicts might soften (join us at Sacred Sisters on Tuesday for a deeper dive into this). Of spending less energy immersed in the social media vortex and orienting instead toward in-person connection. I’ve been examining my relationship with social media and the news, asking - why do I reach for it? (often because I’m craving connection). How does it serve me?
One pattern I’ve been tending to within myself for a long time is valuing and nourishing myself even when there’s so much suffering in the world. It is so easy for me to believe I am not giving enough, that I am not enough.
Let’s see if we can spot some of the cultural conditioning here. The conditioning seems to say: “If you care for yourself, you are neglecting others.” “It’s you or them, choose.” In addition I also notice this one: “If you have boundaries, you are not connected to others.”
Thankfully many teachings bring some balance in, reminding us - fill your cup first, and then you will have more to give others.
What I believe, is that currently we are asked collectively explore all of this. This is new for us, how to be in healthy relationship with ourselves and each other. How to care so deeply, and be intentional with our precious life force energy. Perhaps if we listen closely, we can hear whispers of remembering from ancestors who whether recent or far back, knew how to live in earth-honoring reciprocal relationship.
Post shared by @sacredancestry
Where trickling spring meets icy pond branches spread in the Frederick Watershed
Earlier this winter, I had a moment with a friend when we really appreciated together the phenomenon of offering and receiving support. That morning, I had an emotional need and voiced it in a group text (receiving what I needed, to be lovingly accompanied in my experience). Then I stopped by her house on my way to the office to drop off homemade curry (receiving what she needed, nourishment while dealing with challenging life circumstances). And we pondered for a moment how I needed something, and received it from others, and how she needed something, and I provided it.
It was a very different experience than how it would have been if I hadn’t given to her, but instead tried to give that emotional support to myself because I felt I should be able to do it alone (when really what I needed was to reach out and receive support from others). And you know, there’s something in the giving too that can really nourish the giver. We all got to be connected.
Individualism could’ve had us here! But we took a leap and we tried a different way. It’s uncomfortable, but so healing.
So opening, connecting, giving, looking out for each other. I’m 100% in for that. AND, the nuance of relationship is also that there are boundaries. In fact, boundaries are needed to maintain our inner vitality, and to know ourselves deeply, so we have the chance to influence our community in the deepest way possible.
There are people suffering all over the world, and your needs matter.
You can protect your energy, have boundaries, honor yourself.
You can be in connection, give, and receive.
How? I don’t exactly get it yet. We’re mapping an unknown transition. We’re shedding conditioning, we’re fumbling through, we’re learning.
Remembering how to live in relationship with our human and non-human kin seems it will take humility, commitment, and a beginner’s mind. It’s not so simple as - “we are all one” - or - “I am all that matters.” It’s Interbeing.
I’m finding there are places where we merge and flow together, and places where we exist with a barrier between us. Sometimes we are the delta where river water merges with the salty ocean. Sometimes we wear a bear’s thick layer of fat and fur that keeps winter’s bitter cold away from our warm insides. Neither is right or wrong, bad or good. It’s just relating. It’s interbeing.
There is so much to learn, to remember, to test out as we embark every day on the next leg of the great unknown. With you here, as we fumble, cry, protect, nourish, reach, rest, sing, create, heal, struggle, and laugh our way into the future for which our hearts long.
Let your heart be guided and moved by this anthem - The Way Knows the Way by Lyndsey Scott
(And if you’re craving to let your heart be led by more community singing, reply back to this email and let me know so I can keep you in the loop about upcoming community offerings incorporating singing, grief rituals, land-blessings and more…)
Somatic Tool of the Month
Enjoy this somatic tool, and find more like it in my self-paced course The Somatic Journey Toolkit.
This is a somatic practice for establishing boundaries within space around yourself. Find a comfortable place to sit or stand, being sure to situate yourself in a way that you have some space around you and behind you.
Extend your arms out straight in front of you, with the back of your hands touching.
Slowly begin to move your arms out toward your sides (left arm to the left, right arm to the right), keeping them straight and fully extended. Along the way, imagine that your fingers are carving out this space around you. You might say out loud or inside - “this is my space.”
Continue moving your arms, sweeping your boundary all the way around your back, hands meeting behind you (adjust as needed so comfortable for your shoulders/arms)
After completing the boundary sweep, pause and notice what’s here. There’s no single thing that is supposed to happen when you do this exercise. Simply notice what’s here: sensations, images, emotions.
If it feels right, repeat the boundary sweep.
Here are some journaling or contemplative prompts you can consider after the somatic practice:
What did you notice during and after sweeping your boundaries?
Does asserting your space feel comfortable?
Were there any fears, sadness, or other emotions that came up? Any beliefs about boundaries that came up for you?
Is there any place coming up for you where your boundaries may be compromised? (you may have noticed this physically during the sweep, or you may have had a relationship, memory, or an energy leak in life come up during the practice)
One of nature’s beautiful boundaries
Rooting in Ritual
With friends and colleagues in community, a big theme we have been exploring is calling in our circles of protection and support. This is a practice that can be integrated into other rituals, ceremonies, or healing work to create an energetically safe space for you.
Close your eyes, inquire, and feel to sense into who is surrounding you with support and protection as you move about the world. As you begin to acquire a sense of your supporters and protectors, you can practice calling them in, honoring them, and thanking them as a regular practice. Especially helpful for when you are opening yourself up emotionally or energetically, for example when traveling, when doing an important healing session, even before reading the news or going on social media!
You may begin simply with “Calling in my circle of support and protection” and begin to invoke this support! Here are some examples:
Beings of nature: Mother Earth, the sky, trees, plants, birds, animal beings, the ocean, the stars, mountains, the river, the springs…
Elements: Air, Earth, Water, Space, Fire…
Four directions: East, South, West, North
The cosmic: Source, Spirit, spirit guides, angels…
Well-in-spirit ancestors: those you’ve known and loved who have passed blood related or otherwise, chosen ancestors you look up to, ancestors who had earth-honoring traditions, ancestors with wisdom to share, resilient ancestors, joyful ancestors…
Community: family, friends, teachers, mentors, the web of people in your world working together
Anyone else who feels important within your circles!
The vultures living on the land we inhabit sit firmly within our circle of support and protection
Invitations into Offerings
I would love to weave with you on your healing journey. Here are some opportunities for our paths to cross:
Somatic Journey Toolkit - For folks feeling dysregulated and disconnected, who desire resilience, ease, and liberation from the stuck patterns in your nervous system, this course is designed to help you:
Feel more confident, at ease, and resilient in your ability to regulate your nervous system and emotions
Feel more free, having shed layers of stuck emotions and survival energy
Feel more authentic and connected to your needs, emotions, and desires with a stronger, more stable, embodied sense of self
2/4 Sacred Sisters Circle: Honoring the Shadow - I’m looking forward to guiding our community to connect with our shadows and inner conflict to move toward integration and peace. Together we’ll bring curiosity, compassion, and freedom to whatever is feeling sticky using somatic practice, journaling, and a nurturing Feeding Your Demons™ practice developed by Lama Tsultrim, with roots in the Tibetan Buddhist principles of Chöd.
2/18 Sacred Sisters Circle: Imbolc Cacao Ceremony - Join us for a nourishing journey led by Nicole H with the heart-opening medicine of Cacao and a sound bath to celebrate Imbolc, which marks the celebratory mid-point between winter and spring.
1:1 Somatic Coaching - Let’s center your body and nervous system as anchors in your healing and personal growth. I help people who want to spend less time living in survival mode and are ready to shed the accumulated lifetime of stress and conditioning and come back home to their hearts and bodies.
Post shared by @valariekaur and @revloveproject
My love Amanda and I on our wedding day - Photo by a dear friend just not sure which one <3
